


Okay

by ihavealotoffeelingsaboutyoi (kittychat_ladybug)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Asexual Character, Asexual Hinata, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I don't even know what to tag this, I will fight for asexual hinata to the grave, I've never written these characters before, M/M, mainly just me reflecting my feelings onto my poor sunshine son, sad hinata, sorry if they seem a bit ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 23:22:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9407432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittychat_ladybug/pseuds/ihavealotoffeelingsaboutyoi
Summary: Hinata has bad days- everyone does really. Of course, he would never admit this to any of his team. Karasuno’s own personal energetic ray of sunshine? No way he could have days where he feels like he’s drowning. No way he could have days when he stays in the gym for hours, beating his body up in practice in an attempt to distract his mind. No way he could have days when he feels absolutely and completely broken.No one used to notice the rare bad days. They would come and go quickly enough- usually only staying for a few days- that he could just fake a smile. He would just push himself harder on the court until he was too tired to think about not wanting to breathe anymore. He hid it so well.Until Kageyama.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I am back to writing by writing characters that I've never written before! I'm not done watching Haikyuu yet but I'm really enjoying it so I felt the need to write this. Also asexual Hinata. I'm always 500% up for asexual Hinata.   
> Anyway, I'm having a sort of bad mental day and felt the need to type this up quickly. It's not edited, so please tell me if you find any errors. Thank you for reading!

Hinata has bad days- everyone does really. Of course, he would never admit this to any of his team. Karasuno’s own personal energetic ray of sunshine? No way he could have days where he feels like he’s drowning. No way he could have days when he stays in the gym for hours, beating his body up in practice in an attempt to distract his mind. No way he could have days when he feels absolutely and completely broken.

 

No one used to notice the rare bad days. They would come and go quickly enough- usually only staying for a few days- that he could just fake a smile. He would just push himself harder on the court until he was too tired to think about not wanting to breathe anymore. He hid it so well.

 

Until Kageyama.

 

Kageyama was the first and only person to notice. And it happened accidentally and in the strangest way. Hinata’s week hadn’t been going well so far. He’d failed two tests and had gotten mistaken for an elementary school kid. These were actually normal things in his life. But in that moment, it was enough to put a crack in the carefully constructed dam in his mind. Slowly, but surely, water leaked out. It was just enough to dampen his mood at first, but then there were more cracks and the floodwater was rising.

 

The thing that finally broke the dam was Kageyama. Kageyama confessing to him. Kageyama confessing that he was in love with Hinata. And suddenly, Hinata was drowning, collapsing in on himself.  _ Kageyama loves me. Why? Who could love me? Look at me. I’m such a mess. I’m barely holding it together. What did I do to trick him? What do I say? He can’t love me. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I’m so broken. _

 

“Shit… Kageyama… Shit.” Hinata stammered out past his tears. His mind was racing, leaving him unable to form a coherent sentence. Kageyama frowned at him.

 

“Look, if you don’t like me, all you had to do was say so,” He grumbled, starting to turn around and head home. Hinata’s heart jumped and he grabbed Kageyama’s sleeve without thinking.

 

“K-Kageyama, I’m sorry. I don’t- I just don’t know. I’m sorry. You don’t want to date me. I’m bad with love. I don’t feel it right. I’m sorry. I’m a mess. You should find someone better.” Kageyama’s resulting look was enough to make Hinata let go of his sleeve. His tears blinded him and his throat seemed to swell shut. He couldn’t breathe. God,  _ he couldn’t breathe _ .

 

The hand that touched his cheek froze his panic. He looked up into Kageyama’s strangely soft blue eyes. “Hinata, are you okay?”

 

He could breathe again as he choked out a laugh. “Truthfully? No. I’m so fucked up, Kageyama. You should really get away from me.”

 

Instead, his body moved closer, seeming to hover over his as a cover from the dark world around them. “Do you want me to get away from you?”

 

Hinata looked up into Kageyama’s face. He had never seen his look quite this serious and gentle at the same time. It was a strange combination but Kageyama pulled it off while looking down at the middle blocker. Hinata shook his head quickly. The body hovering over his breathed a sigh of relief and came closer after being granted permission. Kageyama wrapped his arms around him and put his chin on top of Hinata’s head. Hinata’s heart raced as he pushed his face into Kageyama’s chest to hide the sobs wracking his body.

 

“Hinata, I love you. I love you so much. I wish you could see yourself how I do. I love when you’re happy. When you’re midair spiking my tosses. When you’re sad and you think no one sees. I love all of you. I know me saying this probably doesn’t fix anything but I want to stay beside of you and help you. I don’t want you to be sad anymore. I don’t want you to hide it anymore. I want to make you happy.”

 

“Wow, you don’t sound like yourself, Bakageyama.” Hinata tried to joke as he pulled back from the hug. That got him a quiet ‘Shut up, dumbass’ from Kageyama. However, as soon as Hinata looked at him, the tears started once again. “So, you don’t care that I’m… Broken?”

 

“You’re not broken, dumbass. Just different. It doesn’t matter. Just tell me what you’re uncomfortable with and I’ll avoid it. If you don’t like anything, you just have to tell me. So, will you go out with me?”

 

Hinata bit his lip, smiling through his tears that now came for a different reason. “Yes”

 

*

 

“Have you ever heard of the term asexual?” Kageyama randomly asked one day as they laid next to each other on Hinata’s bed. Hinata was lying on his stomach, struggling through math while Kageyama looked at his phone. 

 

“Is that on the science homework?” Hinata asked, hoping the answer was no. He was barely making it through math at the moment.

 

Kageyama laughed, leaning over to show him his phone. On it was a blog with a black, grey, white, and purple flag in the background. It said “ACE” in big letters at the top.

 

“I was looking on the internet and it sounded like you. Apparently it’s people who don’t experience sexual attraction. There’s also subcategories of it almost. Things like grey asexual and demisexual. They have all these different words to express what you’re feeling.”

 

Hesitantly, Hinata took the phone and scrolled through the blog more. It had more in-detail descriptions of asexuality and the different sexual and romantic orientations associated with it. He read through the descriptions and other people’s experiences. He almost wanted to laugh. He wasn’t alone. It felt like what he thought was broken his entire life wasn’t broken. It was just like Kageyama said. Not broken. Just different.

 

“So, you’re saying I’m the ace then?” Hinata asked excitedly, glancing over at Kageyama. Kageyama rolled his eyes, snatching his phone back.

 

“Not  _ the _ ace.  _ An _ ace.” Hinata just smiled.

 

“I always wanted to be the ace. This is a bit different than I thought it would be, but it’s not bad.”

 

“Oh, forget it. You’re never going to stop making that joke now.” Kageyama smiled nonetheless and leaned down to kiss Hinata’s forehead. Hinata wasn’t comfortable with some things. But he was comfortable with kisses. So Kageyama never failed to shower him with kisses after a long day. He would kiss his nose, his eyes, his ears, his forehead, his cheeks, making Hinata giggle uncontrollably. After doing such, he would again tell Hinata how much he loved him. “It’s not bad at all.”

 

Hinata still had bad days. Some days worse than most. But every time he tried to isolate himself and try to deal with it alone, Kageyama was there. It didn’t fix things all of the way. It made them easier to handle, though. And someday, he really would be okay.


End file.
